Think back to the last time that you had a disagreement with someone that you trusted. Someone you really liked, or even loved.
I’m not talking about the kind of disagreement that’s like, Chinese versus Thai takeout for dinner, or what movie to watch, or who screwed up and put the red socks into the washing machine with the white towels. I’m talking about the moment when you realize that a trusted friend or loved one has a different view than you do about, say, women’s rights. Abortion. Race. Gender. The separation of church and state. Current events. Gay rights. God and spirituality.
That moment when you find yourself defending your beliefs with hotter and hotter frequency? That flush coming to your cheeks, the words flowing out of you, the hairs on your arm beginning to prickle, even as you look at the face of a person that you simultaneously love and feel anger towards, thinking: How could this person believe something so very different from what I believe?
Or even: This person thinks that I’m dumb because of my beliefs.
Or even: Maybe this person is dumb after all.
And think back to the last time you had that argument, and ask yourself: Was I attempting to engage in a nuanced discussion of complicated issues with someone whose thoughts and opinions are equally as valid as my own?
I bring this all up because I have yet to figure out who I’m casting my vote for in the Democratic Primary in the United States, and even just coming out as saying “Undecided” feels tantamount to shame.
I’ve steered clear of discussing this with many of my politically engaged friends. It’s unusual: I love engaging in debate and discussion. I’m the girl in the corner at the party arguing about gender parity and complaining that the music is too damn loud. But I’ve steered clear of all of this Bernie/Hillary conversation, and it’s in large part because there are a lot of people in my life who are very fiercely determined to convince me that their candidate is the best for the job of President of the United States.
It’s not that I don’t believe them. I do. I believe that their reasons for supporting their candidate are equally as valid as any of my other friends’ reasons for supporting their chosen candidate.
That is to say, here’s where trying to be a politically engaged, curious voter has led me:
Hillary Clinton doesn’t pay her female staff equal pay for equal work.
Hillary Clinton paid her male and female staffers equal pay for equal work.
It’s not sexist to call Hillary Clinton “shrill.”
It’s incredibly sexist to call Hillary Clinton “shrill.”
Hillary Clinton works very hard to avoid being called “shrill.”
Young feminists love Hillary Clinton.
Young feminists hate Hillary Clinton.
Young feminists who hate Hillary Clinton might be sexist.
Hillary Clinton isn’t feminist enough.
Hillary Clinton is allowing older feminists to shame younger feminists into voting for her.
Hillary Clinton gave speeches to Wall Street and took huge paychecks in speaking fees.
Hillary Clinton gets progressive cred for taking money in fees from Corporate America.
Hillary Clinton’s speaking fee is high, but only compared with other women.
Hillary Clinton is a felon.
Hillary Clinton is a grandma.
Hillary Clinton is an offensive grandma.
Hillary Clinton kills babies and believes in child abuse.
Hillary Clinton is a pathological liar.
Hillary Clinton is trustworthy.
Hillary Clinton has great hair.
Hillary Clinton wears a wig.
Hillary Clinton softened her style to win votes.
Hillary Clinton is blind to her own greed.
Half of Hillary Clinton’s charitable giving is to her own foundation.
Hillary Clinton’s foundation is helping rebuild war-torn Rwanda.
Hillary Clinton killed a man.
Hillary Clinton killed Osama Bin Laden.
Hillary Clinton hates China.
It’s complicated with Hillary Clinton and China.
Hillary Clinton is a racist.
Hillary Clinton wants to address systemic racism in our country’s justice system.
When giving a speech about racism in a black church, Hillary Clinton is racist.
Hillary Clinton does not smoke weed, but there are still some hazy questions.
Hillary Clinton is an alcoholic.
Hillary Clinton invented wine-flavored ice cream.
Hillary Clinton did not beat John McCain in a drinking competition.
Hillary Clinton is boring.
Hillary Clinton is pretending to be boring as a tactic.
Hillary Clinton can dirty-dance in time with the music.
Hillary Clinton’s two-step is awkward.
Hillary Clinton’s gun control plan is good.
Hillary Clinton’s gun control plan is bad.
Hillary Clinton is an icon in the gay community.
Hillary Clinton is no gay icon.
Hillary Clinton abuses her husband.
Hillary Clinton saved her husband.
Hillary Clinton believes in her husband.
Hillary Clinton reacted privately and angrily to Bill’s affair.
Hillary Clinton bullies women.
Hillary Clinton is the worst.
Hillary Clinton is the best.
Bernie Sanders was better than Hillary Clinton on “Saturday Night Live.”
Bernie Sanders will not attack Hillary.
Bernie Sanders is attacking Hillary anyway.
Bernie Sanders is a political outsider.
Bernie Sanders has been a politician for a very long time.
Bernie Sanders has a problem with Democrats.
Bernie Sanders danced to ‘Hotline Bling.’
Bernie Sanders is favored by millennials.
Bernie Sanders is old AF.
Bernie Sanders is a grumpy grandpa.
Bernie Sanders is your cool socialist grandpa.
Bernie Sanders is your cranky uncle.
Bernie Sanders is trolling Hillary on Twitter.
Bernie Sanders is loud AF.
Bernie Sanders is a fascist.
Bernie Sanders is a racist.
Bernie Sanders on Immigration: It’s complicated.
Bernie Sanders and Israel: It’s complicated.
Bernie Sanders and Barack Obama: It’s complicated.
Bernie Sanders and gun control: It’s complicated.
Bernie Sanders and the middle east: It’s complicated.
Bernie Sanders and unions: It’s complicated.
Bernie Sanders is straightforward and uncomplicated.
Bernie Sanders is a socialist pickpocket.
Bernie Sanders’ economic policies would destroy America.
Under Bernie Sanders, income and jobs would soar.
Bernie Sanders will save America 5 trillion dollars.
Bernie Sanders’ plan will cost $18 trillion and is virtually impossible.
No, Bernie Sanders’ plan will not bankrupt the US to the tune of $18 trillion.
Bernie Sanders can’t save America.
Bernie Sanders can save America.
Bernie Sanders’ wife is his closest advisor.
Bernie Sanders’ wife is invisible.
Bernie Sanders and his wife misappropriated funds.
Bernie Sanders has no interest in a political revolution.
Bernie Sanders is serious about a political revolution.
No, Bernie Sanders is seriously serious about a political revolution.
Bernie Sanders is a nice guy who learned how to play the political game.
Bernie Sanders: No More Mr. Nice Guy.
Bernie Sanders will win the Democratic nomination in a landslide.
Hillary Clinton will be the next president of the United States.
Bernie Sanders is not a vegan.
This just in: Clinton goes for chicken and milkshakes.
That’s just a sampling of the Democrats. Let’s not even get started on the Republicans.
The internet is the most amazing, beautiful, wondrous thing that has ever happened to humanity, and I’m fucking exhausted from it. Not only is there more than any one human could ever possibly hope to analyze, it’s all contradictory. My way of processing this information HAS to include selecting the articles that most closely reflect my own perceptions, biases, and ideas. Which is no way to have an informed, nuanced, or open-minded debate at all.
Hillary is probably not an evil felon grandma corporate socialist alcoholic, and Bernie is probably not an abusive revolutionary racist delusional grandpa. Great. That’s where I’ve landed on that, and I’m done now. I can’t do it any more.
I want the country to prosper economically. I want to preserve rights for women. I want systemic racism to be addressed. I want our foreign policies to create a more peaceful world. I want to lift people out of poverty. I want healthcare. I want to make a living wage. I want control of my reproductive rights. I want to attend like ten thousand gay weddings. I know some of those things are different from what many people want, and I’m okay with that, but I believe pretty firmly in all of those things, and I’m going to cast my vote accordingly. Both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, unlike the Republican candidates that the GOP has put forth, are mostly going to do those things for me.
But I want to make this clear, to everyone reading this right now: I don’t think you are stupid. I don’t think you’re stupid if you’re a Republican. I don’t think you’re stupid if you’re a Democrat. I don’t think you’re stupid if your beliefs are different from my beliefs. I don’t think you’re stupid if you support Bernie. I don’t think you’re stupid if you support Hillary. I don’t think you’re stupid if you’re confused or turned off or need a break from this continual and aggressive onslaught of information. I don’t think you’re stupid if you are interested in telling me in an informed, considered manner why you believe what you believe.
If we’ve forgotten that other people’s ideas and experiences are as valid as our own, we’re in big trouble. I don’t think you’re stupid, and I hope you don’t think that I’m stupid. I hope that we just want to listen to one another, and I hope that we can make time and space in our lives and our friendships to do that. And I think that’s the only way that we can possibly hope for our relationships to survive until November.
I don’t think you’re stupid for having an opinion.
I might think you’re stupid if we haven’t spoken since middle school and you’re still inviting me to play Candy Crush, but other than that, we’re cool.
**
Did you like this post? Help keep me writing.
An honest politician is as possible as a circle with three angles!!
Well written… thanks for sharing..
If there’s one thing I’ve come to know with certainty through my studies (I’m a political science major) it’s that understanding the politics of even a single country is not like becoming fluent in a language. I will never be finished learning and I will never understand the full picture, even if I think that I do. Politics is an ongoing arduous web tied up with historical, social, economic, anthropological, legal, and a hundred other factors and anyone who denies that fact is kidding himself.
http://wp.me/p5gu6h-dT
If you have the time, take a look at my blog! It would mean so much!! notingnicole.wordpress.com
One word of warning:
Its considered rude (I think) to solicit publicity in this way. A better way to get some exposure would be to reply in relevant ways to other peoples blogs. If anyone replies to your reply, say “wow, thanks for replying, you seem like an intelligent person, would you mind taking a look at my blog?it would mean so much to me”. This is a more genuine way to attract viewers and your blog will generally get a more authentic feel to it.
On another note, I would love to check out your blog. Want to check out mine?
https://otheloblog.wordpress.com/
Well said! I wish I were as generous/wise as you. This election cycle is making me particularly angry and depressed. But — well written post, thanks.
I agree with you on the extreme flod of information. I honestly have no idea which of the democrats I want to win. It`s hard to know who to trust when everyone either subconsiusly writes from ther point of view, or consiusly writes for whomever owns their buisness. It is just exhausting looking through everything trying to make up an opinion, and stick to it! Your post was great, I loved the “no-hate” part. I think it`s important. Two thumbs up!
I’ve always been the political half of the relationship between me and my wife. I almost have to trick her to go to the polls. This year though, even I didn’t know who to vote for – there are/were so many candidates saying many different things I didn’t know who best represented me.
Half-jokingly, I suggested to Krystal we take a political test to see how our answers match with candidates answers. We each scored an extremely high “match” percentage with two candidates . . . from complete and total opposites of the field (thankfully, not Trump. Good lord I don’t know what I’d have done if either of us had gotten him as our candidate).
I’m not going to lie: it’s been difficult. I see the world the way I see it, and don’t really see how anyone thinking both logically and reasonably could end with a different conclusion. I know it happens, but I don’t like to think it. It’s been tough reconciling this seemingly small difference. We’ve been married 7 years and known each other for 11. Part of me feels betrayed – after all these years she finally takes an interest in politics and she betrays me like this?
But it’s not betrayal. It’s life. And I love her, even if I don’t love her candidate. And, since my candidate is no longer running, she may sway me to her side before November. Anything is possible.
Well written. And I agree that it is important to have opinions and different opinions are what make the world go around. Of course, I might be a bit more suspect of someone who is a staunch Trump supporter! (lol) But it would be their opinion. Thanks for the great read.
Please, if you would spare the time, take a look at my post: https://pardonmyblogs.wordpress.com/2016/02/05/black-enough/
My recent project ‘Black Enough’ highlights social injustices, humorous incidents and aims to tackle a few of life’s hardships with a light series of blog posts.
I really do hope that you are inspired to read it.
God bless
Now I’m even more confused about the American election process. The only thing I know for sure is that Donald Trump is one very entertaining asshole, lol.
Yes, Canadian politics seem so simple by comparison.
It certainly doesn’t help that there’s a wealth of material that seeks to promote one candidate by bashing another. And American political conmentary appears awash with blatent bias.
It seems the vote is a popularity contest like for high school prom king and queen. And an assault on one candidate to their supporter suddenly becomes a personal reflection.
Gah! Too much data.
Yes, its an interesting phenomenon isn’t it? I am seventeen, and therefore don’t have any other election cycles to base my opinions off, but this election seems very strange and not at all what I thought that they were going to be like. Although its very tempting to blame Donald Trump for everything in this election, I think that taking a careful look at all the candidates rhetoric will show that almost everybody is employing “middle school playground” insults as a promotion tool.
~Philip Othelo
This was incredibly amusing to read. This entire Hilary/Bernie debate has become something of a joke now even in all its seriousness.
Yes, the Bernie Vs. Hillary election has become very strange indeed. While the media in general is still obsessed by the GOP’s Trump phenomenon, I personally find the democratic situation even more interesting.
~Philip Othelo
https://otheloblog.wordpress.com/
I know what you mean I am usually in all the conversations however, this go around I am staying clear. Basically because all my friends/ and family know that I am a independent and I dig pretty deep and being in a mixed family when one half is is democratic and the other is republican you can imagine what family dinners have been like. The last eight yr. was a no brainier for me we won’t get into that but this one is really close. Have a good day.
I am old so it is easier for me. With Hillary I kind of know what I getting. With Bernie I think he is promising a lot but where is all money coiming from? Unless there a BIG change in congress neither do any better then Obama. (If as good). Now the voters are a mystery to me. Really! Donald Trump?
This is why I wish we could hear more about the good that politicians want done and not the bad. In the end I know it is all about the money though… *sigh*
I hear ya! I like to be knowledgeable about what’s going on but it’s getting exhausting. And to speak to your first paragraph…totally! I’m constantly defending how important it is to understand our behavior and how we communicate, but with my partner no less. As far as politics, I can’t even go there with him. Suffice to say he’s in the “jade helm” camp. It’s better to try and keep his focus elsewhere 😌
The trouble is too many people don’t know why they believe what they do! American politics are as confusing as our British ones. Laughed loudly at the candy crush middle school ending! Great read – thanks
This article was one of the few honest political articles I have read this election cycle and thats because it only admitted two things: where you stand on the political spectrum is not a measure of intelligence, and that political discussions with loved ones can be painful (if important) conversations.
~Philip Othelo
The line about candy crush. That I completely agree with 😛
A great woman for sure. This post was incredible. Really learned a lot.