A Picture’s Worth A Thousand Words (That I Didn’t Feel Like Writing)

Writer’s block is a bitch.

So instead of publishing any of the crap that I’ve been trying and failing to make funny for the past week or so, here’s a bunch of pictures of myself. Now you know what I look like when I write!* My dear friend Kate over at P L A T E 3 Photography happened to be following me around with her camera all day when I was trying desperately to write some funny shit for your amusement. It didn’t happen. Instead, I ate some pizza and got drunk in the bathroom about it.**

I shouldn’t be allowed to have the internet. Or, you know. Friends.

Image

Image

ImageImage

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Thanks for visiting. I’ll try to use my words next time.

xo
Katherine

*Note #1: This is in no way an accurate representation of what I look like when I write. For starters, the light’s not NEARLY as good. The snuggie and whiskey, however, are dead-on accurate. From now on, you’ll get to play “guess what I was wearing!?!” whenever you read one of my posts. (Hint: It’s not usually the lingerie.) (Hint #2: Trick question. That’s not lingerie. That’s totally one of those off-brand Spanx body slimmers).

**Note #2: I’ve recently learned how to check the statistics on this blog, and the results are fascinating. It appears that some of my biggest fans, aside from “people I know in real life who read this so they don’t have to talk to me at a party,” fall into two very distinct categories. A whole lot of you are health-conscious yogi types who found me from a slew of yoga blogs, or from facebook posts from your health-conscious friends. Word! WELCOME! Another whole lot of you are folks who found me from googling phrases like “I don’t give a shit about my health” or on obesity help forums. OMG! WELCOME TOO!***

The point being, I welcome you all, people with bodies of many shapes/people with many opinions about what to do with those bodies. You wouldn’t know it, but I’m actually an incredibly active and busy person. I love the world, and delight in exploring it. I’m aware of health risks posed by obesity and diabetes, and I do think it’s a little terrifying that we don’t know what chemicals are going into our foods nowadays.

Which is not to say I don’t fucking RELISH tearing into a goddamned slice of pizza. It’s all in moderation, bitches. Now can we stop shaming each others’ bodies already and get back to reading time-wasting bullshit on the internet?

*** These are all ACTUAL PHRASES that have been entered into search engines from which people clicked on this site:

“moms be like damn i cant even shit in peace”
“fuck my mom photos”
“my mom fucks everyone in town”
“jobs for people who don’t give a shit”
“fuck his mom on the golf course”
“happy is happy and shit is shit”
“kid fart blog girl”
“fart in my face what to do smell”
“why do I fart when im not expecting it?”
“amber alert”
“unicorn sex pics fanfic”

Oh, god. All of you. Seek help. Immediately.