Rejected Titles For That Novel I Haven’t Bothered To Write Yet

Lost In Thought On A Cold Morning Looking At Trees and Shit

Divinely Beautiful And Incredibly Humble, Too

The Oils That Dry In Our Bones And Our Dishwasher

Emailed Soliloquies of Grandeur

You Look Hot In That Flannel Shirt: A Memoir Of Love Lost

Nice Meals My Parents Paid For

All’s Quiet On The Eastern Front But Not For Long Because I Live In South Philly

The Catharsis of Miss Katherine Fritz

All The Pretty Things I Have To Pick Up From The Drycleaners

Life Among Hipsters

A Tweet To Build A Dream On

An Endless And All-Consuming Thirty-Minute Love

Insert Important-Sounding Title Here

Rainfall

Nightwatch

Birdsong

Bird

Coffeemaker

Rutabaga

Pinecone

Spiced Herbs

Old Ham Sandwich

Old Ham Sandwich 2: The Reckoning

The Electric Toaster Support Group

The Space Between Truths and Lies Is Hopefully Cream-Filled

We Are All Human

We Are All Animals Unless We Are Vegetables or Minerals

Twenty Questions

The Literate Pineapple

An Insatiable Hunger For Beauty and Pizza Rolls

Aimless Internet Stalking And Other Confessions

The Torrid Milkshake Affair

Lady Grumblethorpe’s Persistent Complaints

I Left My Dignity In A Cab Last Night And Other Tiny Mistakes

Whiskey Wang

Tooting Down The Watchtower

Big Cheese Pizza

Bradley The Irresponsible Oak Tree

Moby Dick

Twilight

 

 

 

 

My writer’s retreat is going really well, you guys.

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26 thoughts on “Rejected Titles For That Novel I Haven’t Bothered To Write Yet

  1. I would read any of them. Except twilight. Never again.
    PS: As a Scenic Design major about to graduate in May -I’m obsessed with your blog. It’s pretty much phenomenal.

  2. “Nice Meals My Parents Paid For” is obviously a chronological series of short stories. That’s a nice conceit, I could see a work of light fiction being framed around it.

  3. If I could suggest a title…
    Booze, Booze, Booze..Read This Fucking Book.

    I’d actually pay retail for a book like that.

  4. ‘…his stomping feet made her heart tremble more than the floor of her luxurious penthouse apartment. “I’VE ONLY BEEN HERE 2 MINUTES, BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANGRIER. Or more aroused,” a diatribe ended with the softest of whispers. The unknown man leapt towards Jessica’s voluptuous curves on the bed, a taut panther pouncing on his prey. Little did they know that their 28 minutes of all-consuming passion would be captured by a hidden camera and be endlessly played on the internet.”
    -An Endless And All-Consuming Thirty-Minute Love

    yeah, im not sure that is going to be a hit. but if it is, i’ll totally split the royalties?

  5. The Space Between Truths and Lies Is Hopefully Cream-Filled and I Left My Dignity In A Cab Last Night And Other Tiny Mistakes actually sound like winners to me! πŸ™‚

  6. HAHAHAHA! You made me laugh out loud on the toilet and now I know when I go back out there it’s either going to be painfully repressed silence or incredibly lewd commentary from my co-workers! 😝

    Obviously there’s one title I would HAVE to read and I think I’ve already read a few of the others…but if I were you I’d go with “The Old Ham Sandwich 2: The Reckoning” without ever having written the first part.

    Thanks for making email notifications worth it.
    B, xx

  7. YES. All of these. Excellent. :p

    But seriously, oh the pains of title creation. Lemme tell you ’bout how I spent literally 3 hours rolling around on the floor of my boyfriend’s room a few weeks ago mostly just going “aaaagh!!!” on the outside while repeating “this title is shit! that title is shit! that other title is just like this title, which is also shit!”

    My boyfriend, meanwhile, was being *super helpful* throwing out suggestions like “toast” and “french toast.”

    Ya know, I don’t think I even mention toast ONCE in my manuscript.

    Anyhoo. Happy writing. πŸ˜‰

  8. My vote goes toward “All’s Quiet On The Eastern Front But Not For Long Because I Live In South Philly.” The last story that came from Philly (involving a young, troubled youth having to relocate to Bel Air, Maryland to reside with relatives) did rather well in my opinion.

  9. Okay, I’m really late to this party, but I just stumbled onto your blog. I have been alternately laughing out loud (I refuse to use the acronym), something I haven’t done in FAR too long, and being slack-jawed at your more poignant observations. Thank you for those gifts. You are an amazingly talented and fascinating woman. Please keep up the great work! You are an inspiration!

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