Rejected Titles For That Novel I Haven’t Bothered To Write Yet

Lost In Thought On A Cold Morning Looking At Trees and Shit

Divinely Beautiful And Incredibly Humble, Too

The Oils That Dry In Our Bones And Our Dishwasher

Emailed Soliloquies of Grandeur

You Look Hot In That Flannel Shirt: A Memoir Of Love Lost

Nice Meals My Parents Paid For

All’s Quiet On The Eastern Front But Not For Long Because I Live In South Philly

The Catharsis of Miss Katherine Fritz

All The Pretty Things I Have To Pick Up From The Drycleaners

Life Among Hipsters

A Tweet To Build A Dream On

An Endless And All-Consuming Thirty-Minute Love

Insert Important-Sounding Title Here








Spiced Herbs

Old Ham Sandwich

Old Ham Sandwich 2: The Reckoning

The Electric Toaster Support Group

The Space Between Truths and Lies Is Hopefully Cream-Filled

We Are All Human

We Are All Animals Unless We Are Vegetables or Minerals

Twenty Questions

The Literate Pineapple

An Insatiable Hunger For Beauty and Pizza Rolls

Aimless Internet Stalking And Other Confessions

The Torrid Milkshake Affair

Lady Grumblethorpe’s Persistent Complaints

I Left My Dignity In A Cab Last Night And Other Tiny Mistakes

Whiskey Wang

Tooting Down The Watchtower

Big Cheese Pizza

Bradley The Irresponsible Oak Tree

Moby Dick






My writer’s retreat is going really well, you guys.